Monday, August 16, 2010

The Bathroom Etiquette Lesson of the Day

“Don’t talk to me in the bathroom.”

Why? Because it’s just weird. It’s weird if you’re at the sink, having already done your ‘business’ and are now witnessing me going to do my ‘business.’ Somehow adding a soundtrack to this experience just makes it all the more vividly surreal. Nor is it okay if we happen to come out of the stalls at the same time. In fact, this is probably the worst. I would appreciate it if you pretend I’m not there the way I am likewise pretending you’re not there. Also, there is some breed of woman who finds it okay to carry on conversations with others while you are both in the stalls and I think this species of freak evolution should be rounded up and put on an island somewhere along with the recessive genealogical pool of gum smackers to breed and live blissfully away from the rest of us.

In addition, this is also not a good time to catch me and ask me about that thing you’ve forgotten to tell me about. A.) It’s offputting because we’re in a room designed for expulsion and B.) I’m not going to remember a thing you just said because all I’m concentrating on is how quickly I can get out of there. Send me an e-mail.



Alexandria Englander-Tuttle said...

Let me know if you want help rounding up the weirdos!

D. V. Klenak said...

I think there are definitely positions open for this - we need all the help we can get! :)