Sunday, August 29, 2010


Everybody struggles with procrastination.  For whatever, wherever, reason our procrastination grows, we all procrastinate.  Whether it's because you're afraid that you're going to fall on your face, or that what you're working on will be a total and complete failure that will draw all of the poison and criticism from every corner of the world onto your head and remind you that you should've listened to everyone who said 'Don't quit your day job,' - or maybe, because you're just feeling lazy and would rather watch re-runs of your favorite 80's TV shows then look up in Wikipedia what those people are doing now - the point is, we all procrastinate.

I'm unclear... (no, scratch that, actually I'm kinda clear on why) I've been procrastinating these last couple weeks.   It's not just creatively either.  The dishes need to be done, things need to be put away, other things need to be cleaned and scrubbed, tossed in the trash, etc.  I've only done a little bit of exercise that doesn't involve sitting like a lump while I continue to pay dues at a gym which is only 2 blocks away yet I still can't manage to drag myself in.  Well who cares about that.  More concerning is that all projects have come to a halt.  The source of my lump-ism I believe resides in the fact that I'm just basically down.  To combat this, I've started seeking out things that will make me laugh.  I reconnected with my love of all things Bill Cosby and have downloaded 2 of his CD's onto my MP3 player.  I've never listened to Margaret Cho before, I've just heard her name by reputation.  It so happened that the library has 2 of her CD's on demand through their web site so I've downloaded her "Assassination" and "Revolution" CD's.  I have on hold Ellen DeGeneres.  I'm actually a little disappointed in the selection of the library's comedy CD's so I will likely be buying more of them off Amazon.  Also on the list is Seinfeld.  I'm unfamiliar with more 'current' comedians, so after I've explored these I'll need to start researching newer comedians.

Now, to combat the lump-ism that also applies to the rest of me, I decided to get a trampoline.  A mini rebounder to be exact.  Or, I guess now they're called 'urban rebounder'?  I dunno.  It's so funny to me how plain sounding items from like the 60's and 70's have been remarketed with more complex wording as if that somehow entitles these companies to sell them for astronomic prices.  Maybe they really have been remade with some sort of space age (actually, space age I think is from the 70's - btw, when does the space age happen, are we there yet?) spring form factor.  I got mine off craigslist for $25.  Then I had to look up how to jump on it properly though because I'm obviously from this time period where we can't even figure out how to jump on something without taking a class on it.

I hear tell that rebounding is also part of cleansing processes.  So, the rebounder is back in style to somehow break up the globs of fat that will only go away if you jump them out.  I'm all for it.  Next on my list is hula hooping.  I wish there was an adult blacktop league, where you can go and play 4-square and wall ball and whatever that game was with the ball on the rope you swing around a pole?  Because, as soon as we enter the workforce that's when we start getting fat.  There's no recess.  There should be a nationwide recess, so wherever you are, you get 15 minutes in the morning and afternoon, then 30 minutes around lunch where you can go outside and find people around who are available to do double dutch and hop scotch and red-rover with.  Freeze tag.  Duck duck goose.

P.S. In writing this post I have managed to continue my procrastination process.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Simon's Cat in 'The Box'

Nobody captures the essence of 'cat' like Simon Tofield.  Check out his other videos and new book coming out at - they bring me a lot of joy.

Monday, August 16, 2010

The Bathroom Etiquette Lesson of the Day

“Don’t talk to me in the bathroom.”

Why? Because it’s just weird. It’s weird if you’re at the sink, having already done your ‘business’ and are now witnessing me going to do my ‘business.’ Somehow adding a soundtrack to this experience just makes it all the more vividly surreal. Nor is it okay if we happen to come out of the stalls at the same time. In fact, this is probably the worst. I would appreciate it if you pretend I’m not there the way I am likewise pretending you’re not there. Also, there is some breed of woman who finds it okay to carry on conversations with others while you are both in the stalls and I think this species of freak evolution should be rounded up and put on an island somewhere along with the recessive genealogical pool of gum smackers to breed and live blissfully away from the rest of us.

In addition, this is also not a good time to catch me and ask me about that thing you’ve forgotten to tell me about. A.) It’s offputting because we’re in a room designed for expulsion and B.) I’m not going to remember a thing you just said because all I’m concentrating on is how quickly I can get out of there. Send me an e-mail.


Monday Face

Sunday, August 15, 2010

New York City Midnight Writing Competition

I am currently participating.  Round 1 is underway!

The challenge: write a story 1,000 words or less between Friday, August 13th (midnight) and Sunday, August 15th (midnight).  My assignment is: genre - ghost story (yes!), location: bakery, object: jump rope. 

Got it.  Written.  Edited.  (I actually wrote 3 stories.)  Gonna sleep on the final version, re-read tomorrow, then upload.


Friday, August 13, 2010

How to Train Your Monkey

Or any monkey for that matter. Monkeys can be taught to point, to convey messages about their feelings and desires, at least we assume that’s what they’re doing because it matches with our communication style. If monkeys can be taught to point, I can assume they could likely be taught to point, with a mouse, on a computer. Therefore, I don’t see any reason for a monkey not to be employed in the IT industry with a big fat salary, not to mention promoted to top tier level rankings. They should get off their butts and start working in the real world, which apparently, they already are. The zoo in which I show my face has made the request I train a monkey how to approve or reject an electronic document, which requires the click of a mouse. Every now and then I set up a series of documents that goes out to the animal kingdom requiring their approval or rejection. One monkey, a recent promotion from another phylum, was very clear that I was to train it in ‘the process’ by which one approves. Not the process by which I create said documents, but the approval itself. It was very clear on this matter with its finger pointing and hand gestures.

Are we all clear? I’ve been asked to relay ‘the process’ of how to click. Monkey gets a document. Monkey sees the document. Monkey sees link that says ‘Approve’ or ‘Reject.’ Monkey clicks.

I’m obviously doing things all wrong. My evolutionary regression has gone in reverse and I am plummeting too far outside the sphere of top tier monkeydom to ever hope for my own roosting branch. My fingers are too delicate, my body hair too short and odor free and I refuse to ingest bugs and grubs. The only piece of sign language I know I use frequently though, when they’re not looking.

Monday, August 9, 2010


I've had the flu the past week, so my brain isn't fully functional at the moment.  Does anybody else have this when they get sick?  There comes a point when you get really depressed and down about your life - which doesn't help since you're a pseudo-invalid?  Anyone else?  I hope it's not just me.  I also have this happen when I get sick.  For some reason, things I haven't thought about in forever, and I don't even know why I think about them, start to sift to the front of my mind.  They're not particularly anything interesting, for instance, maybe a birthday party when I was little, but it's never a happy memory that comes up.  It's not like oh, birthday party, presents, etc., it's something like the moment when my Dad decided to say something to me that made me feel about as small as I actually was.  So... I guess bad memories!  I dunno.  Being sick sucks.  It does odd things to my head.  It must be the fever cooking it.  Almost fully well however, so getting back on track.  I did have an amazing rant I needed to post but that was the night I also happened to get sick so it's still sitting in my head.  I might post it later, but of course it will have lost some of its energy.

P.S. Vampire Academy is a series written by a local author (Seattle transplant) Richelle Mead that sounds like I might actually like it.  It's being considered for a series of movies also.  Maybe they could get the people who did Harry Potter to do it, then I think it would be pretty cool.  I haven't actually read the series, but I appreciated the premise of it, it sounds pretty cool.