Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Pre-Thanksgiving Jitters

T-Day.  Family Fun Day.  Hope-they-don't-talk-about-killing-animals-day, because for some reason, when I walk into the room, the vegetarian, that seems to be the only thing people want to talk about, how that one time they got to go to that place and shoot as many chickens as they wanted for cheap as long as they cleaned them themselves?  Huh, what a money saver.  Except, all that plucking sure is difficult.  Mmmmmm who's hungry?!

Hey Danielle - can you pass the turkey and make sure to bring some sausage for everyone to eat?

Here's what it means to be vegetarian on Thanksgiving: I realize I've only been vegetarian (again) for 3 years, but people still manage to "forget" every time they talk to me.  It's like their brains are locked in some Back-To-The-Future Delorian that's on loop.  No, I don't want to hear about that time you shot something and then laughed as it ran around without a head bleeding everywhere; nor do I want to hear about how succulent the skin is, or when you couldn't think of anything better to do so you decided to go shoot tails off squirrels.  You can go ahead and keep those thoughts to yourself.  However, I know you won't because it never has occurred to you I might find it repulsive.  By the by, even if I wasn't vegetarian, I would still find the conversation disgusting and would want to become vegetarian soon after.

But I digress: What it means to be vegetarian on Thanksgiving?  Not getting to eat anything.  And, if you bring something you DO want to eat, here's what happens.  Maybe you don't want to stand too far out of the crowd so you opt for the Tofurky.  "Ahahaha, what's that?  It looks disgusting!  You're going to eat that?  It looks like what we feed the dog."  Okay, so you tried.  Well, maybe you want to eat something that you really enjoy, after all, Thanksgiving is about coming together and sharing a really good meal with family and friends isn't it?  Well, maybe you splurge on a take-out dinner from your favorite Thai or Japanese restaurant.  Now they're going to look at you as if you just shot George Washington in the face.

Moral of the story: Get drunk.  Really really drunk.  The non-veg's will be anyway, so you may as well join in.  Might help you keep from ripping someone's face off and wearing it. And, hopefully it will insulate your brain from those squirrel hunting stories to keep you from throwing up.  But, ya never know...

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